Can you spare me a rib?

After soliciting reader input and carefully weighing my options, I opted to forego the opportunity to fraternize with undergrads in order to stuff my face at Ribfest. I decided that the undergrads at school weren't ready for my brand of all-day quad partying. After all, I'd already blown their minds by introducing snorkeling and the bomb squad (this entails doing car, jager, cherry, and dr. pepper bombs consecutively) to a bar near campus. Furthermore, if I had gone to dance with 18 and 19 year olds on the quad, there was a strong chance that I would feel as awkward as my friend Bill or his little brother for that matter.

Having decided to attend Ribfest, I set about preparing myself both physically and mentally. That morning I opted to skip both breakfast and lunch while also taking the time to relish in the fact that for once I would not be the largest person at an event. I imagined that I would resemble a svelte, pre-teen Swedish boy in comparison to the other rib-loving festival-goers. Therefore, it came as a cruel and shocking twist of fate when I quickly realized that Ribfest is no place for those with an insatiable appetite. While making my way down the street, I noticed that the fest was not dominated by men of girth but rather by wannabe foodies and other waifs who were perfectly content to stand on impossibly long lines just to get a "sampler," a small plate of 3 or 4 ribs.

After skowering the grounds and failing to find a line that was less than 45 minutes long, my friend and I opted for the longest line possible, figuring that if we were going to have to wait, we may as well wait for ribs that were creating the biggest buzz amongst the crowd. Luckily, with two of us, we were free to drink as much beer as possible as one of us held our space in line while the other repeatedly went to refill our cups. So with this system in place the line actually turned out to be quite pleasant (As the beer runner, I was reminded that I am very much a rookie when it comes to summer festivals in Chicago, for while I was purchasing beer in chintzy 16 oz cups, there were other guys drinking from the enormous plastic steins that are distributed during Maifest. I don't know if these guys were convincing the beer vendors to fill their steins or if they were purchasing 4 or 5 beers at time and pouring those beers into the steins. However they were filling the steins, it was abundantly clear to me that I have a lot to learn when it comes to maximizing my fun at these events).

Eventually we made our way to the front of the line and promptly devoured our diminuitive portion of ribs in roughly sixty seconds. So with sixty minutes of waiting resulting in a minute of pleasure, I decided that rather than wait on another line I would instead continue to nurse the buzz I had going and make my way over to the stage where a raucous blue grass band was playing. Since I was fueled by several pints of beer and was not weighed down by a stuffed stomach, I was able to enjoy Ribfest in a way that I hadn't anticipated. I was able to engage in, not gluttony as I had assumed I would, but rather my other favorite pastime...drunken dancing. The band was particularly appreciative of my moves for up until that point other people had been too preoccupied with their ribs to cut a rug, or the concrete as it were. So while it didn't live up to my expectations with regards to the ribs, I would have to say that this festival was a resounding success and I am now excited to see what else the festival season has in store.