The Complete History of Events that Transpired Since I've Last Written (Abridged)

I’m sure many of you have noticed the extended hiatus that the staff writers at JC-Bot have taken. I’d like to tell you that wedding planning and a busy work schedule were the driving forces behind this hiatus yet that would simply not be the truth. In actuality, the laziness that inspired the hiatus is also preventing me from offering a plausible excuse for this long absence. So let's skip the excuses and get you caught up on what has been going on around here. The following is a brief timeline of notable events:

October 16, 2010 – The writers and support staff at JC-Bot travel to Madison to see the feisty Badgers knock off the #1 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes on the gridiron. While this outcome was monumental, I still contend that the bigger upset came when those who took the under cashed in big on the “How many orders of cheese curds will the Toms consume throughout weekend: over/under 5.5” prop bet that Vegas was offering. How we didn't easily hit the over in the curd capital of the universe baffles me to this day. The highlight of the trip was certainly storming the field with tens of thousands of Wisconsin undergrads. However, for as young as I felt at that moment, sprinting joyfully towards the jubilant crowd congregated at the fifty yard line, I was harshly brought back to reality by a 12 year old girl. Unleashing an overly exaggerated eye roll and speaking in a tone of voice usually reserved for a particularly embarrassing father, this scornful tween put me back in my place saying “Put your shirt back on, old man. No one wants to see that.”

October 31, 2010 – Our first Halloween in our new house was disturbing to say the least. I like to think of myself as pretty easy-going for the most part. When a twenty-year old mother wants to use her infant child as ploy to get free candy, who am I to point out that the child doesn’t even have teeth with which to chew the candy? When two Columbine-looking teenagers want to hold a mock fight with very real sledge hammers and pitchforks, who am I to shoe them off of my lawn? However, I have to draw the line at the 11 year old boy in the Rastafarian costume. Now I’m always one for celebrating diversity, but I took exception with him completing his costume with some shoe polish. That’s right, in addition to his fake dreads and tie-died shirt, this kid was parading around our neighborhood in black face! I don’t even want to begin to explore the implications that this holds for our new neighborhood, so let’s just move on.

December, 2010 – While hosting a series of Football Sunday Fundays at the house, it finally dawns on me that our unfinished attic can be converted into a beer-pong room. Lori subsequently puts a divorce lawyer on retainer.

January, 2011 – The priest officiating our wedding ceremony uses the lion’s share of our initial meeting to tell us about his experiences heading up the church office assigned to ferret out pederast priests. Lori subsequently gets very nervous about the material he plans on using for the homily at our wedding.

February 14^, 2011 – We spend Valentine’s Day (and our anniversary) at a DePaul undergrad bar with amazingly cheap car bombs. In the last month, people have taken to calling me the Mayor at this particular establishment. I’m not sure if I should feel honored or ashamed. So long as I refrain from wearing truckers hats (real ones, not the ironic, hipster kind), flannel shirts, and a Unabomber beard, I'm confident I won’t begin to resemble the original "Mayor," the hirsute townie who holds court at T-Bones and Pie Man in Valley Cottage. If I can successfully keep from resembling the VC Mayor, then this nickname hopefully won’t devolve into one of derision for me (after examining the last two sentence it appears I’m already 1/3 of the way there. This makes me nervous). On the other hand, if I continue to beat up on 20 years old sophomores in car bomb contests, I’m pretty sure the nickname will retain positive connotations. That being said, Lori subsequently puts her divorce lawyer on speed dial.

Now March is here, and I will be forced to try to make important wedding decisions during the 20 second timeouts of college basketball games. In fact, let’s try to handle one important decision right now. We are currently trying to compile a list of “Must play” songs for the dj. While we can not guarantee that your song will make the list, we’d like to hear what your thoughts on the matter. Use the comments section to help us generate some ideas for this list!